Listening to Hannah's tapes

I would have a hard time continuing to listen to Hannah's tapes - especially knowing that i was one of the reasons someone had decided to take their own life. I think curiosity would win out, though. I would want to know why I was at fault. And, I'd want to make sure that my reason wasn't horrible. And, to be honest, I'd also want to make sure that I wasn't the worst reason. If I was the 13th reason, though, I"m not sure how I'd handle that knowledge. That would be tough to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know how I'd deal with it actually. It would come with a lot of guilt attached to it.

Then, there'd be the question of whether I'd tell someone "important" or someone with authority about it. It would be a tough decision. Would I want to implicate myself? Of course, I wonder what they'd even do with it. Would it bring the family more closure/more comfort? Or would it be like Dylan Klebold's mom after having read his journals - more guilt because they didn't know they pain and suffering their daughter was going through. I think it would be a Catch 22.

You'd want to listen with the hop that it brought closure, but what if it just brought more pian? That wouldn't be helpful to the healing process, which would be just as important - if not more since you'd still be dealing with the decision that your loved one made. But what if there was something on there that could hep others choose to not commit suicide?

Hannah never made the rule that one of the listeners couldn't make the tapes public. So wat if one of the "reasons" decided to do that and outed everyone on the tapes? Would that be worth it? How would the others react? Wouldn't it be a type of karma? They caused her death so others should know why they were to blame. Of course, that could cause more backlash for you. The others could retaliate. I wonder if there could be legal action they could take. I suppose defamation, but again, what was being said would be true. There is, though, the issue of perspective. What if the person who had committed suicide just read into things too much? But that's the big issue with our words - we never know how someone will perceive them. Just because we have one meaning behind them doesn't mean they'll be take that way.

I suppose that's part of the point of this book: Be careful what you say. The old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" has never really been true. Words sting - especially when you hear them over and over again. They're also more painful when you know they aren't true, but no one wants to listen to the truth because they've already accepted the wrong reality based on what they've heard. And then it goes viral and doesn't stop. If you repeat something enough, it becomes truth no matter its actual validity. It's public perception and that's worse than anything else.